“I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore,because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens
the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give you forever: I love you. I’ll be seeing you.”—
I just don’t know what’s going on in my head. Jumbled words, and faces - memories and places we’ve gone. Laughters shared, with uneasy smiles and innocence that would make nuns blush. What was it that we had that makes it so hard for me to forget? I’m so angry and sad all the time, with bits of broken happiness inbetween it all, they’ve a right to think I’ve gone mad! I often wonder if you’re a walking mess like me, speaking out of your head rather from the heart. You were always so precise and serious; calculating if you did this or that, what fragment to its exact precent and decimal would my heart break - so you’ve found out a formula, an equation, that doesn’t quite break a persons’ heart but leaves them completely insane trying to figure out how to find that one missing piece of their broken heart. Truth is, you gave us such a big disadvantage. Not fair really, for that piece, it can never be found again. So precious, so rare, only one of its kind. Pieces of broken hearts lay with those who have broken them, and I fear it can never be rightly returned. Those who break hearts are far too selfish.
I miss you a lot you know. When everything in my life seemed so messed up and torn apart, all I had to remember was that I still had you. Your love, our love was a beautiful disaster, a masterpiece of imperfections. But the chaos of it all was us, and I wouldn’t have “us” any other way. You have to know I still love you…and I want to believe, deep in my heart, you are still waiting for me too. Isn’t it selfish? Maybe I am too naive, to immature.
I just had a really bad day today. I couldn’t cry for so long even thought I knew something was bothering me. That hollow feeling in the pit of your heart and stomach that just doesn’t go away until you can cry.
You. I wish I didn’t have to pull at memories or past tenses. I wish you were still a part of my life and I wish I was a part of yours too.
I really do want you to be happy even if I’m not happy with this, but can you understand, maybe just a little, how hard it is to genuinely be happy?
I adore you
I adore your being
Every single atom of my heart is charged to explode
and if the next three words that come from your precious lips
were to be, “I love you”
They would detonate like the most violent atomic bombs
I like to think that the stars never die out
that our bodies never fade away
I want to travel the stars that glisten in your eyes
and take you with me to somewhere
somewhere that only exists to us